25 Days

I've a feeling it's going to be a rough day. Why? Well, this feeling of impending doom in mid July is starting to wear my facade thin. I've realized that this is no longer a countdown until he leaves to the military, but a countdown until we separate. I woke up around 10:30 and Kelly's aunt Maureen was here. I went down to the living room and spoke with her for a while. Before leaving, she gave me a hug and said "Now, I think we just need to keep her". She went on about how I'm more than welcome to stay with her and her husband and go to school out here, an offer that's been made to me before. I adore his aunt Mo and, if it weren't for Mom's deteriorating health, I would go to school in Illinois. The look on Kelly's face was... unreadable. I can't tell if it hurts him as much as it does me to hear people go on about how we should stay together and how they think of me as part of the family... After she left, I jumped in the shower and it took a bit of strength not to cry. I want just what they do: to be with Kelly and remain a part of the family. I... need to find something in myself that is going to get me through these next twenty-five days and hope that it lasts me until he decides that we'll officially be together again.