5 Days

These last few days haven't been cheery to say the very least. In fact, there were five different people crying simultaneously last night over broken hearts and empathy for one another. It was incredibly heart-wrenching and angering for me and the six or so who maintained dry eyes.

We had a party; it was a poorly thought out idea. "Yeah! We'll give everyone liquid depressants to say goodbye to someone we all love! Yeah!" I had already woken up on the cranky/teary side of the bed yesterday morning and had spent the day attempting to get my head in the right frame of mind. I eventually was people-friendly and the party began a few hours later. It wasn't until everyone had consumed a fair amount for people to start crying over their ex's, their heart breaks and Kelly's all too soon departure. I was already getting to a high stress level when I walked in on the sobbing; everytime I did, I would immediately leave the area, knowing full well that I would get caught up in the waterworks if given the chance.

It got to the point where I was avoiding everyone whether they were crying or not, as the crying was all anyone seemed to talk about. I had smoked several Prime Times in a thirty minute duration to give me the excuse to be outside alone; as soon as more than one person came outside, I would finish the cigar and find a new unoccupied place. This cycle happened several times. My drive to be in solitude was a large tip off that something more was going on than I was letting them in on, and people continued to question me about it... especially Kelly. Soon, Kelly found me sitting alone outside and, essentially, trapped me. He began talking about everyone elses woes and how his leaving spawned the emotional outbursts. He asked me what was wrong for the umpteenth time, and I finally caved in and told him the same thing I've been telling him for weeks on end: I don't want him to leave and his leaving is making me incredibly sad. I instantly began to sob uncontrollably and we sat outside until I could contain myself.

Once I had regained my composure, we returned to everyone's crying fest... where my friends got me to cry a little more. Amanda let me know that she and all the girls would be there if I ever needed them for anything at anytime of the day or night. I love these girls, but it wasn't until that moment that I realized they honestly loved me back. Amanda's reason for being emotional was based almost souly on empathy for me and what I'm going through with Kelly's military career, and they all tearfully nodded in agreement. Then they all circled around me in a very emotional group hug.

It was nearing two in the morning, which is shocking for me as I am always the first one in bed for the night. Kelly had came upstairs to say the he'd be coming up to bed when everyone had their place to sleep figured out. He came up two times before going to bed to hold and check on me. He said some incredibly sweet things--things I was dying to hear--things like "I'm going to miss you the most out of everyone" and "You and the military are what I live for", but my emotions were at an all time low. Seeing everyone cry had made me more of a caretaker than someone who needed to be taken care of... not to mention the aforementioned crying I had participated in had left me drained. I felt so cold hearted as my instinctual reaction to shrug off his loving words and actions came to pass.

I fell asleep after Kelly came to bed but for a short while, as I spent the majority of the night tossing and turning and attempting to get comfortable. People departed by 10:30 and Kelly and I have since showered, washed dishes, put away all the blankets and pillows, and picked up the trash from the night before. We intend on relaxing and recovering today. As for the rest of his time here, I have a feeling it will be nothing more than emotional.