19 Days

Anger; it's pretty much the only emotion I've been consistently feeling. Hate is severely entwined with anger too. All I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and pray that someone is listening. I feel like I've done all I can, played all the right cards and made all the right moves... and still feel broken hearted in the end. Like my heart has been ripped out, put though a wood chipper, then through a garbage compactor, then given to a dog as a chew toy... to bite, slobber on and use at its will with no attention paid to me, still standing there holding the spot where my heart was forcefully ripped out of my ribcage. So here I am, the day after crying myself to sleep, dying to just stand up and scream that I hate you. I hate you for making me feel independent and taking that feeling away when you broke my heart. I hate you for how incredibly sad I am and for how you're making me hide it day in and day out. I hate you for stringing me along as opposed to simply telling me that you changed your mind months ago. I hate you for giving me a list of things to hate. I hate that I still love you with everything that I am.